20 Questions for the New Year
A few days into the new year, I'm realizing 2013 has left me with a few cliffhangers...
Current Ponderings:
1). Will the Chanel Boy Bag cause hoards of bloggers and fashionatics to shelve their beloved Celines next to their practically prehistoric Balenciagas?
2). Will the Chanel espadrille become the new it-shoe despite impracticalities due to those inconveniences called seasons?
3). And what will the crunchies do when they find out that Chanel will never donate a pair to an African Child??
4). Will Lululemon recover from the backlash of the yoga pant scandal of the past year?
Perhaps Rob Ford would make a better CEO if his reelection doesn't work out, despite his antics during his drunken stupors.
Hell, maybe crack helps in the creativity department?
Or maybe Lulu could partner with Kate Spade:
Or maybe Lulu could partner with Kate Spade:
5). Will Cara Delevingne pluck or will she be upstaged by a new model who just rocks one eyebrow?
...Or none at all?
...Or none at all?
I've always heard that the camera adds 10 pounds, but maybe I could shave off .02 of a pound extra by forgoing eyebrows all together.
6). Will people continue to refuse to keep up their coloring routine and calling it ombre?
7). And will others realize that My Little Pony is probably not the best hair color muse?
That's almost the same thing as giving your surgeon a photo of Hello Kitty to go off of...
8). Will juice cleanses and giving up gluten still be a chic method of malnourishment?
9). And what the hell am i supposed to eat when kale, quinoa, and acai bowls are no longer the only "it foods"?
10). Since Crossfit has been promoted to the ninth circle of instahell for promoting hunting, what will be the new workout trend to sweep the nation?
Like oh em gee,
don't they realize that no one eats red meat anymore???
don't they realize that no one eats red meat anymore???
I'm kind of over wanting to know what the fox says anyway.
I vote for mass twerking instruction for optimum calorie burn.
11). Will someone out-shine/shock Miley in the New Year?
(Fat Amy, you're my girl).
I kind of doubt it but I do hope she loses the Billy Idol look.
12). Will Kimye's ego cause the Big Man to decide he's had enough and send a sharknado to destroy mankind?
13). And will people finally stop keeping up with the Kadashians so that they may move aside and let the Lord have his own show?
= prayers answered
14). Will the dementors finally earn their place in society like vampires and zombies before them?
... Hipsters.
15). Will the popularity of EDM culture cause people to push for Molly to join Mary Jane in the court room?
I cast my vote for unicorn excretions as 2014's new club candy of choice.
16). Will "yung" "frat" white boys continue to insist on forgoing the use of -th in favor of d?
But seriously doe.
17). Will the instagods ever grant me instafame if i post enough instacelfiez?
...Or will I just be stuck as a hastaginstadouche, commenting LB on famous accounts and using random hashtags incessantly?
18). Will Gatsby please inspire someone in my life to make it acceptable for me to trash their fabulous home every weekend?
All while wearing Prada that could give a chandelier a run for its money in the sparkles department
19). Will Apple succeed in taking over the world in 2014, making us all conform to Apple Care since we still can't seem to get along on the topic of Obama Care?
&&& Finally:
20). WILL ONE OF T-SWIFT'S EXES FINALLY WRITE A SONG ABOUT HOW MAYBE HE WASN'T THE ISSUE?
R.I.P. 2013.
You were "literally" one sassy, fabulous "betch".
You were quite the "frenemy" in the way that you liked to play hide and seek with my dignity,
but like a "bestie" we had many good times.
Who knows what 2014 will bring.
I'm just a little afraid.
I'm just a little afraid.
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